


Accepting is the Hardest Part

by Knowmefirst



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: lupin_snape, M/M, Mpreg, Rating: NC17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-28
Updated: 2011-12-28
Packaged: 2017-10-29 06:11:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/316641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knowmefirst/pseuds/Knowmefirst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus has to accept that to love someone means giving everything. Even things that, at first you do not want</p>
            </blockquote>





	Accepting is the Hardest Part

**Author's Note:**

  * For [memmesdreams](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=memmesdreams).



> Beta: Crecent, all other errors are mine.
> 
> A/N: Wrote it for the snape_lupin for the Snupin Santa 2011. Also if you wish to see the art that goes with this piece you can check it out http://knowmefirst.livejournal.com/14710.html

He sometimes wondered how he got into these problems, it’s not like this hadn’t happened before, but to actually wake up during the night and rub the back of an eight month old baby, not just any baby—a Weasley baby. Severus looked down at the girl in his arms and when she finally succumbed to sleep he gently lay her down on the conjured crib in their spare room, careful not to wake up the brat.

Severus checked to see if the night light was on and walked out of the room closing the door behind him quietly. He moved into their room and took off his black robe and threw the robe by the foot of the bed and climbed into the bed next to his—he grumbled to himself—peacefully sleeping husband. Sometimes he wondered, how if he was a werewolf and boasted about having such good hearing, how could Remus not hear a baby cry?

He glared, even if it was lost on Remus and with a huff and many—if some exaggerated— movements he settled down to try to sleep. Still his husband slept on. He promised himself that next time, Remus was the one getting up and he would be the one that would be fast sleep. He cursed the day that Weasley—he sneered mentally—came knocking at their door with his daughter in his arms and a crying Angelica by his side. He still remembered that awful day, they had woken up—or more precisely Remus had woken him up with fellatio—wonderful—just thinking about it made his toes curl.

◄►◄►◄►

 _Flashback_

After another two hours, they had finally gone down and started breakfast with a few kisses as they cooked eggs, sausages, and French crepes. They had settled down to eat and Severus was starting to play footsy with Remus when there was a knock at the door.

With a look and a shrug to let Remus know that he did not know whom it could be, Severus pulled out his wand and got up to open the door. But when he saw who was standing there, he said ‘no’ and closed the door. He calmly walked back to his breakfast and continued to eat. He looked up when he didn't hear utensils sounds coming from his husband and raised his head. Severus cringed when he found those lovely hazel—angry—eyes on him.

With a sigh, Severus (feeling like the old bat of the dungeons he had been called for so long) got up and opened the door. Without inviting them in, he went back to his seat and continued eating as if there was nothing wrong. Of course, he couldn’t continue eating. Again the quiet made him look up. However, before he had had only his husband’s eyes to look at. Now there were four pairs of eyes looking at him, one pair angry, two pleading and the last pair with tears on it. He gave a sigh, pushed the plate away, and raised an eyebrow, not giving them more than that to continue.

“How can we help you, George?” Remus asked quietly. “Where are our manners? Please sit down. Do you want breakfast?”

Severus almost yelped when he felt his husband's foot connect with his shin. Instead, he scowled as this was the fault of those two or more like three (he could blame the child if he wanted too)— and he did. He knew he was behaving like a petulant child, but these people had messed up his perfect morning and perfect breakfast. In addition, because of them his husband was mad at him as well.

“Severus, could you please bring the rest of the food to the table?” Remus said.

Severus was about to open his mouth and say ‘no’ when he noticed the warning in his husband's eyes. He was mad, but he was not suicidal, and having Remus mad at him so close to the full moon was suicidal. With a mumbled curse under his breath and a few inventive words of what he would love to do the Weasleys, he brought the extra food to the table. He sat down and picked up his fork again, and again he was interrupted by the silence at the table. He turned to notice that, again he was the center of three pairs of eyes as the fourth was busy playing with a spoon. That was it: he was not up to being cordial so early in the morning.

“What?” he snapped.

“Severus, they would like to know if we can help them.” Remus said with a warning on his voice.

Severus slumped as much as he could without being noticed and turned to the Weasleys.

“How may we be of service?” He grumbled.

He noticed the Weasleys exchange gazes and then George began, “We have been having a problem with our little one. She’s allergic to the moon.”

“Excuse me, I think I heard wrong?” Severus said in disbelief.

Severus looked at Remus expecting the other to glare, but noticed that Remus looked as baffled as he felt. Severus knew about sun allergy, but moon allergy? He had never heard about that before. Now this intrigued him. He had done a potion for sun allergies, that had taken him almost a month to develop and it had helped more than one person in the end. However, with a moon allergy, should he treat it the same way as he would treat lycanthropy? No, werewolves were not allergic to the moon, they changed with the moon.

Remus could see the wheels in Severus' mind turning; he knew this would be a challenge for Severus. And knowing his husband, he would leave soon after the Weasleys left to start on a potion. He loved Severus very much, but sometimes the excess time spent in potion creation drove him insane. Remus knew that what Severus did everyday in that laboratory helped many people because he was one of the few potions masters willing to work with unpredictable potions to find cures for those less fortunate.

Remus turned back to the child in George's arms and gave a soft smile; he wished he could have kids, but knew that it was impossible. One, a potion that gave the male the possibility to carry a baby full term would have to be made—even if his husband was willing to invent that potion for him—Remus couldn’t go through with it. He knew by the way Severus spoke often he didn’t want or wish for kids and that would take care of the second possibility, a surrogate mother. He gave a small sigh, but gave his husband a small smile as he saw the concern in the midnight eyes.

Severus watched Remus out of the corner of his eye and saw the way Remus watched the child play around with his food. He really couldn’t see what his husband saw in the baby that put that look on his eyes. Severus saw a child that didn’t know anything else to do but to make a mess. He sneered mentally in disgust when he saw the child pick up a piece of crepe and smash it on the table with the spoon still in her hand and then put it in her mouth. He was grateful that he didn’t have children because he sure wouldn’t let any of his kids do that—wait, where that thought had come from— if he didn’t want children, why would he be thinking about not letting his children do that? Okay, this is that brat's fault and her parents—for that matter—for having come here and ruined his perfect morning.

Severus turned to his husband when he heard the sigh and Remus, upon noticing his eyes, gave him a small smile. He turned back to the problem at hand, the sooner he got this sorted out the sooner he could get these people out of his house and out of his life. And of course, as soon as they left he could get started on the potion that could help. Right now he wasn't getting the time and solitude he needed. He looked back at the child’s parents.

“When did you first notice the problem?”

Severus started mentally working on changes he could do to the potion that he had already developed for sun allergies and mentally conjuring a list of all the ingredients he could use.

“We noticed it two weeks ago.” Angelina said.

George took over, “We were having dinner with my parents and we were sitting outside. By the time we finished it was dark and the moon had risen, which is when Roxanne started crying. We didn’t know what was wrong.”

Angelina took over again, “We thought something had stung her and that was why she was crying. However, when we checked her over we didn’t saw anything wrong; we didn’t know it was the moon. After a few minutes of uncontrollable crying we noticed her skin started getting red and swollen and she had difficult breathing.”

“That is when we rushed inside and flooed to St. Mungo’s. They told us they didn’t know what was wrong with her. It wasn’t until this happened two more times, that Hermione said it could be—as she had read about sun exposure allergies.” finished George.

Severus conjured a parchment, quill, and ink and on the left started writing, at a fast pace, the symptoms of the child and her reaction once the moon had risen. On the other side, the ingredients that he had already thought about using and many others that he thought could be of possible use. He enchanted the quill to write by itself as he dictated his findings. He got up and started firing questions to the parents and the quill kept on writing.

Remus mentally smiled as his husband got up and started pacing; he knew this Severus. This was the potion master taking over his husband, and by the way, he was pacing, Remus knew he would not see his husband for the rest of the day if Severus had his way. He knew he should pay more attention to the conversation but whenever he saw Severus in his ‘Potion Master’ mode, it drove him to distraction, made him want to pull Severus down, and have him under him screaming in ecstasy.

Remus turned back to the conversation and when he thought it was safe, he got up and started cleaning the table and putting the dishes in the sink. With a flick of his wand, he made the dishes wash themselves. He moved to the stove, put on water for a pot of tea, prepared the cups and plates, and put them on a tray to take to the table. While Remus was serving the tea, his husband was still pacing up and down the small kitchen, but this time he noticed Severus was reading from a book and mumbling to himself. He took notice of the small stack of papers with neat handwritten notes and the quill stopping every few seconds and continuing writing once Severus said something towards it.

Severus stopped pacing and put the book on the table that he had summoned from his library. He pulled his wand out and advanced towards the child—he sneered mentally when he saw the weary looks pass between the parents—and smiled making them panic. He still had it. He flicked his wand and scanned the child and touched his wand on a new parchment and read the results.

Name: Roxanne Weasley  
Age: 8 months and three weeks  
Weight: 18.74 pounds  
Allergies: moon  
Height: 26.5inches

Severus watched as more information filled the parchment; he noticed that it wrote that the child could stand and walk while holding onto furniture, but not walk without help. Another thing that appeared is how many teeth the child currently had, two on top and two on the bottom—that explained all the drool—he thought in disgust. He picked up the paper, the rest of his stuff, and without any comment left the room. He needed to start working on the potion as soon as possible. He moved to his working station and with a flick of his wand turned the heat on under the prepared caldron.

Remus—almost—smiled when he saw the look on the Weasley’s faces as Severus left without a by your leave—and like the famous bat of the dungeon stalked out of the kitchen. He turned back to the Weasleys and started a conversation asking them about their children. He listened as they talked about their oldest (Fred) and the flying lessons he had with Harry and the rest of the kids. He smiled as little Roxanne fell sleep in her dad’s arms after awhile.

“Remus, do you know how long Snape will take?” George asked after a while.

“Umm, oh he could take one day or a few. It all depends how hard the potion is to make.”

“Okay, I think we should go. We have taken too much of your time.”

“Don’t worry, you're always welcome.” Remus did smile this time at their identical skeptical looks. “Before you leave I was wondering if you wished to leave the child here so Severus could administer the potion once it is finished.”

“Let us talk about it and get back to you.” George answered.

Remus nodded and said goodbye. As they left he closed the door and leaned against it. He could not comprehend why he had asked them to leave their child. He knew Severus would get in a right state if he found out the child was staying here, but he wanted to be able to at least have a baby for a time, even if he knew deep down it would never be possible for him to have his own child. However, deep down he also knew he was doing it because he hoped Severus would change his mind and they could have kids together. Remus looked one more time around the kitchen and then walked to their small office and opened the door of their small wardrobe and took out his easel, canvas, and picked up his paint bag. He moved outside to do a little bit of painting. He sat down on a tree root and placed his easel in front of him, and after awhile, he had everything where he wanted it.

Severus was cursing a mile wide. No matter what he tried the potion would react in a violent matter. He needed something that would help the child without killing her. He knew they would put him in Azkaban faster than he could say Quidditch if anything untoward happened to the little girl. He flicked his wand at the ruined potion and vanished it, then moved towards his bookcase and pulled books down and sat to read. He took notes and cross-referenced his findings. He again put another cauldron on and turned up the heat; he cut the salamander in thin slices and threw it into the now boiling water. He stirred it three times clockwise and then sprinkled fairy dust over the top.

Severus was in the final stages of the potion when he put in the snake scales and the potion exploded making a gigantic cloud of smoke. He started coughing and moved his hand in front of his face to disperse the smoke. He pulled out his wand and cleared everything including the now almost non-existent smoke. Once done, he looked at the time and noticed that he had been all day here; it was past dinnertime. He gave a sigh because again he had left Remus to eat alone. .He cleaned his robes with another flick and walked out of his potions lab.

Severus went to the kitchen where he found his food with a warming spell. He opened a drawer and took out a fork. He moved towards the door as he ate from his plate and stopped at the doorframe when he noticed his husband asleep on the couch. He gave a sigh, finished his food, put the plate in the sink, and walked out of the kitchen towards his husband. He gently shook him awake.

“Remus, wake up, let’s go to bed.”

“Mmm, what time is it?” Remus asked as he sat up.

“It’s late. Come on, let’s go to sleep.”

“Okay.”

Remus stretched and let Severus guide him down the hall as Severus turned off the lights after them. Remus opened the door to their room and moved towards the bathroom, after finishing his night routine he came out of the bathroom wearing his pj pants and moved to the bed while Severus used the bathroom. He moved the pillows from the bed and deposited them to the side, pulled the quilt down towards the feet of the bed, and got in fixing his pillow while he waited for Severus.

Remus turned on his side and looked at Severus' empty side, closed his eyes for a few moments, and opened them when he felt the bed dip. He looked at Severus and noticed the tired look around his eyes. He moved towards Severus, put an arm around his waist, and put his head over his heart as he heard the thump next to his ear.

“I’m sorry for forgetting dinner again.” Severus whispered into his hair.

“Don’t worry. You can make it up to me one day.” Remus murmured back.

Remus smiled when he felt the arm going around his body and bringing him closer to his husband’s body in a tender hug.

“Yes, I will.”

“Let’s go to sleep. You're tired.” Remus said.

Remus turned off the lights and snuggled against Severus as the other brought him still closer. In a few minutes he heard his husband's even breathing. He moved and supported his head with his hand as he looked down at Severus' peaceful face.

“Don’t worry so much, I know one day you will.” Remus whispered as he bent down and kissed Severus on his lips.

 

Remus was drinking his coffee the next morning while looking out the window. When he had awoken Severus had already left the bed, and knowing Severus as he did, Severus would already be working at a cauldron. He scratched the back of his neck and thought about how to tell Severus about the baby staying for the next two weeks. He had found out this morning after speaking by floo to George and Angelina. Remus was ecstatic knowing that he would take care of a baby even for such short time. He could wait until Severus found the child and not her parents, but knowing Severus, he would explode and scare the child.

Remus put the coffee down on the windowsill and moved away from the window. He would tell Severus now before George arrived with his baby and Angelina in tow later on in the day. He walked down the hall to the basement door, knocked on it, and waited for Severus' permission to enter. When he finally heard it, he opened the door and came to a stop at the bottom of the last step when he found Severus fighting with the portrait of the woman that had been here when they bought the house.

He never knew why Severus brought the portrait down here to the basement. The woman didn’t like Severus; something she made quite obvious whenever she spoke to him. He thought that maybe Severus liked the sharp tongue the woman had and her intelligent potions conversations, even if she always spoke with sarcasm. He shook his head and walked the rest of the way.

“Good morning, my Lady.” Remus said as he nodded towards the portrait.

The woman stopped in the middle of her tirade, turned to Remus, smiled coyly at him, and curtsied. Making Remus smile and Severus scowl, Remus knew that she liked him because, like him she had been a werewolf in her time and had affection—some motherly—towards him. That was another thing that made Severus fight with her so often. She always flirted with him and that made Severus jealous even if he didn’t want to admit it. He rolled his eyes and turned to Severus who was busy glowering at the portrait of a dead woman. Seriously, he could not comprehend why someone would fight with a dead person's portrait.

“Severus, may I speak with you” Remus looked at the portrait as she pretended not to listen, “privately?” almost laughing at the indignant look on her face.

“Yes.”

They moved away from the portrait and put a privacy spell around them, “Severus, umm—”

Great. Now that he was supposed to tell Severus words left him; he looked at Severus and took a deep breath.

“George and Angelina will bring the child later on and she will stay for two weeks.” Remus said it in a rush.

Severus blinked as he tried to understand what Remus had told him. When he finally understood the rushed words, he started to glower at Remus. Remus knew how he felt about children. Why would he invite a child into their home? He wanted to yell at Remus and to tell him to floo them right now and tell them not to bring the child. He thought about the child being here and how easy it would be to administer the potion once it was done and changed his mind. He would be able to take note of the effects of the potion on the child without needing to consult the parents.

Severus looked again at Remus and the hopeful look on his amber eyes and sighed. He couldn’t fathom why Remus would invite the child here, but from the perspective of a potion's master he saw the potential of having the child near. Against all that he stood for and believed of children, he nodded to Remus.

“Yes, the child can stay.”

Remus smiled and kissed Severus, “You won’t regret it. I promise.”

Remus laughed when he saw the disbelief in Severus' eye and with a wave, he left the basement. He went into the spare room in their home and started cleaning. He flicked the dust away and transformed the small desk in the corner into a lovely dark cherry crib. He transformed the old hard wood chair into a lovely rocking chair that matched the color of the crib. Once he was done, he had a room full of baby toys, books, and even a baby musical mobile that had little fairies. He was ready to receive the baby; he couldn’t wait.

Before Remus could believe it, he heard the floo and out stepped George with the baby in his hands and Angelina came through a second later. They talked for a few minutes and Angelina gave him a few helpful hints that would help put the baby to sleep at night. Remus put Angelina at ease and promised her that if he needed help he would contact them right away. After a few teary goodbyes from the parents he looked down at the child.

“So what would you like to do?” Remus asked the child on his arms.

The child just looked at him and gave him a smile showing her only teeth as she started babbling,

“dadadada.”

“No child, I’m not your father. However, for two weeks I can be your Uncle Remus. Do you like that idea?”

The child only smiled more and made raspberry kiss noises as she clamped her hands into fists.

“I think that is a yes.”

They left the living room and moved to her temporary room. He put her in the crib and turned on the mobile letting the music float around them and the fairies dance around the child's head as they threw kisses and sprinkles onto the child. The child clapped her hands and tried to grab them, to which the fairies flew faster around her small head.

Severus stood by the door and watched the scene and the happiness that he could see on his husband's face. He knew that Remus wanted a child. Remus didn’t have to tell him for him to notice the yearning that came into his face when he saw other children playing or the happiness that came to his face when he visited Potter and the children. He wished he could give him what he wanted, but no matter how much he tried he couldn’t do it. Just thinking of having children around him and messing with his potions froze him in fear.

He had thought of giving Remus up many times to give him the chance to marry someone else and have the children he so desired, however, Severus couldn’t do it. He was too possessive to let Remus go and he loved Remus too much. He gave a sigh, moved away from the door, and went back to his potions leaving Remus to enjoy the few days he had with the child. Even if he couldn’t give him what Remus so desired, he was going to give him these few days with the baby. Even if he couldn’t stand the child, he could try for Remus sake.

What could go wrong?

 _End of flashback_

◄►◄►◄►

 

Severus woke up to an empty bed and sat up. He had a terrible headache, and he groaned letting himself drop back into the pillows. He didn’t want to get up; all he wanted was to wake up next to his husband's warm body and enjoy those peaceful moments before it was actually necessary to get up. He pushed the sheets back and got up. With a flick of his wand the bed was made and he moved to the bathroom to get ready for another day.

He arrived in the kitchen to find Remus playing with the brat that had kept him awake half the night. He glowered at the child when she turned to look at him, but instead of crying as he had expected, the brat just laughed—laughed—and reached her small arms towards him. Of course when he reached down and picked her up, not because he was getting soft—oh no—it was because he didn’t want his husband mad at him—that was all. He wished his days and nights could go back to what they had been before the child's arrival.

He sat down and put the child on his lap. She turned around and tried to reach for his hair right away. Something the child did often whenever she was in his arms. He looked down at her warily trying to move his face and hair away from the reaching hand, when he saw a flash. Severus looked up to find Remus lowering a camera and smiling at him.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist” Remus said smiling.

Remus turned away from his husband before Severus could get his wits about him and started ranting about the picture. When he had seen Severus with the child he couldn’t stop himself and had grabbed the camera and taken the picture before he knew it. He knew he would be painting this image later on in canvas. He put the camera away and turned around to start to make breakfast. He poured some porridge into a small bowl and put it on the table in front of Severus so he could give it to the child. He only smiled when he saw his husband's sour face as soon as Severus understood what was wanted of him. He turned away and made breakfast for them.

 

Severus scowled at the child who was already starting to fuss when she saw the bowl. He took out his wand and conjured the same chair they had been using transformed into a high chair for the child. He put the child down in the chair and clicked the safety harness closed. He turned around to pick up the bowl and grumbling he scooped some up, but before the spoon neared the child he pulled it back and checked the temperature.

He moved the spoon forward and waited until the tiny mouth opened and he place the spoon inside. He almost cursed aloud when the child blew a raspberry and ended up spraying the porridge onto him. He instead crumbled and swished his wand cleaning himself and the child. He scooped another spoon full of porridge, but before he placed it in the child's mouth—already waiting open mouth, he moved closer to her and looked into her eyes.

“Listen to me, Weasley. If you decide to spit your food on me again, I won’t feed you” Severus whispered to the child so his husband wouldn’t hear him.

The child just stared at him while swallowing her food. With a nod, Severus scooped another spoon and gave it to the child happily knowing that they now understood each other. However, he didn’t predict what happened next. Instead of the child opening her tiny mouth and taking the food she swatted the spoon away and before Severus' eyes the spoon went flying and fell into his black robes making a porridge line as it fell down onto the floor with a clatter.

Severus leaped up and moved away from the child that was making his life a living hell. He pinched his nose and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and counted to ten. When that didn’t help him calm down he counted another ten, but he felt the grasp on his anger slipping. He was tired of getting up during the night, and to top it off he would work late into the night trying to finish the potion that was still unstable. And now this.

“Severus” Remus said quietly.

“I can’t take it anymore” Severus said in frustration.

“Can’t take what?” Remus asked perplexed.

“I can’t take the child anymore, me losing sleep over her.” Severus looked at Remus, “I’m just thankful that we don’t have any children and that we won't have any because I wouldn’t be able to live this way.”

Severus finished and walked out of the kitchen leaving Remus and the child who was happily hitting the table with her small hands.

 

Remus sat down in one of the chairs and didn’t say anything as Severus' words just tumbled around his mind, ‘I’m just thankful that we don’t have children and that we won't have any.’ He looked at the child who was happily playing and sadly smiled.

“Dadaaa.” The child said happily, when she noticed Remus looking at her and stretched her hands, to be picked up.

“I’m not your dada, baby girl” Remus' voice broke; how he wished he were.

He picked up the child and cradled her gently in his arms kissing her in her fuzzy red hair. He sat down with her on his lap and cleaned her hands with a towel. Once done he rocked the child, humming a lullaby that he remembered his own mother singing to him when he was a boy. He knew the time spent with this child was the best he could ever have wished for, but he also knew that now it was over. He would have to call George and tell him that he should pick up the child.

 

Severus stumbled into his lab and moved in automatic to his working place, he stopped and looked down at the potion that he had left in stasis since yesterday and groaned. Why did he have to open his mouth?

“What have you done?” The lady in the a painting said.

“None of your business.” answered Severus.

“If you haven’t done anything why are you--”

Severus sneered, “Look you biddy, stop butting into my business. I suggest you--”

“No you listen you impugning child,” sneer the lady, “I’m tired of seeing you treat that man, however you want, not caring to see beyond your big hooked nose.”

“Why you little--”Severus started indignant.

“I will tell you this once, so pay attention” interrupted the lady, “that man loves you more than you deserve. He has given you all that he has and all he asks of you is for you to accept a child for two weeks. You couldn’t even last one week. He knew that he would never get the chance to have a family.”

The lady started pacing, moving from one side of the frame to the other. As she continued with her sermon, she turned to Severus all seriousness and quietly told him.

“Don’t commit the same error my husband did. He was the same as you. No children. However, before either one of us knew it I was lying in bed with a sickness that was incurable, that no matter how many potions he gave me my body couldn’t take anymore and I died before the next full moon.”

The lady sat down in a chair as Severus took one and sat down with a heavy heart. Was he really being so egoistical and selfish with Remus? He thought about Remus and the yearning he always saw on his face when he saw children. He knew deep down that he had been. Remus had given everything for him and what had Severus given him? Nothing. He put his head in his hands. Would it really be that bad to have a child with Remus? He reclined and closed his eyes imagining how life would be with a child of their own. Before he could think, he was interrupted by the clearing of a throat. He looked up at the lady and raised an eyebrow.

“There is one potion that you can make and it will give you the answer you seek.” she said quietly, “However, be forewarned, only one question you may ask and once you use it, you can’t ever use it again.”

Severus looked at the lady and raised his other eyebrow, “I have never heard of any potion that can do that.”

“You wouldn’t have as I was the one who invented it.”

“Well, where is it?” Severus asked impatiently.

“In the right hand corner by the floor behind that bookshelf,” the lady pointed to the shelf closest to his working table, “you’ll feel a string, pull it, and a secret compartment will open.”

Severus walked to the shelf and knelt, moving his hand inside a little hole he saw between the wall and the bookshelf. He had always wondered why this bookshelf couldn’t be moved when the rest of them could. Now he knew it hid a secret compartment and the bookshelf probably had a strong sticking charm on it. He pulled the string, and just as the lady said, he heard a scraping noise, looked up, and there between the third and second shelves a kind of drawer opened pushing the books in front to the floor. He moved towards the drawer, looked inside, and found a single scrap of paper, yellowed with age. He took it out and carefully unrolled it reading the ingredients he would need and the step-by-step instructions.

 

This wasn’t that hard and he had all the required ingredients, even the rarest of them. He moved to one of his unused cauldrons and began the process. He moved around the lab cutting, stirring, and waiting for the time to add the next ingredient. When he was finally finished he looked down at the instructions that said to wait five more minutes until the potion turned a pale orange. He took out the pocket watch that Remus had given him last Christmas and counted the time. Five minutes later, he was pouring the delicate potion into a small bottle. He was about to drink it, when he was stopped by the lady again.

“Remember, only one question may you ask, no more.” she said in warning, “So make it count.”

“How do you know about only one?” Severus asked wanting to know.

“I wasn’t truthful with you.” she quietly explained as she sat down in her chair, “The reason I died is because I wanted to know more, I didn’t ask only one I asked more. When I found the answer to my question, I became greedy and wanted to know more, but the potion reacted badly and I ended up dying. My husband never knew.”

He only nodded and with a deep breath he took the potion, moved towards the seat, and sat down. He already knew what would be the question, however, he didn’t know if he needed to ask it aloud or if the potion would know. The next thing Severus knew he was getting sleepy. Before his eyes closed completely he heard her voice one more time ‘only one’ and knew no more.

 

 _He groaned as he opened his eyes and closed them when the shaft of light hit his eyes. He opened them again and looked around as he sat up. He was sitting down in their living room; of that he was certain. Nevertheless, there were things that made him believe otherwise: there was a drawing of what he believed was a broom with a rider. He was going to get up to look closer when he heard a child laugh and before he knew it, he saw a blur run into the room and throw itself at Severus making them both fall back into the sofa._

 _He looked at the child in his arms and was about to push him away and insist that he stop running, behave and to go with his mother. When the child raised his head and looked at Severus with hazel eyes that he knew so well, he felt a stab of pain thinking that Remus hand left him for someone else. Then the words that the child spoke penetrated his mind._

 _“Papa”_

 _Papa?_

 _“Papa, are you listening?”_

 _“Yes.” He raised an eyebrow to intimidate the child._

 _He felt his lips twitch when he saw the child raise an identical eyebrow and give him the same look, but ruin it when he started laughing._

 _“Oh, papa I can never keep the face straight like you can” the child said._

 _Severus stared at the child and saw what he hadn’t wanted to see before. The child in his arms was about seven years old-- if he wasn’t wrong. His hair was black, but when the child moved his head, Severus saw as the sun shone on it that it also had little bit of the brown highlights of Remus hair. He took in the child's face, the eyes, which came from Remus and the nose, but the mouth was his. If he looked closely he could see other little things that were his. This was his son with Remus!_

 _“What is your name?” Severus quietly asked._

 _“Oh papa, you’re silly.” the child laugh._

 _Before Severus could asked again the child moved away and ran outside. He got up to go to the window and see what was outside that was so important when his breath caught. Coming into the living room was Remus, but this Remus was so different from the Remus he knew. This Remus didn’t have the sad worry lines around his eyes. Instead of the painful eyes and haunted look that Remus could never hide, this Remus had laugh lines around his eyes and looked relaxed as he talked with the child holding his hand. As if he felt Severus' eyes on him, he looked up and smiled._

 _“Hey, I see Max woke you up.”_

 _Therefore, Max was the child's name; he scowled, why would he give such a plebeian name to his son? He looked up when he heard Remus' musical laugh._

 _“Now don’t scowl, I know you hate it when I call him Max, but I can’t see him as Maximilian, not yet.”_

 _There. That sounded like something he would call his son, not something as common as ‘Max.’ He shuddered at the thought. He looked at Remus and the child—more closely and noticed two things. One, the child was theirs—no doubt about it—she looked exactly like him, but with Remus' nose, even to the book in her tiny hands. And two, Remus was round with child. That explained the glow that surrounded him. Severus moved without thought towards Remus and placed his hand on the stomach and smiled when he felt the fetus kick._

 _“Papa, what about me?” the child said raising the blouse she had on, up._

 _Remus laughed and smiled at Severus as Severus placed his hand on the child's small stomach and then tickling her, making her squeal in laughter. Severus saw Remus sit down on the couch with a groan._

 _“Are you well? Do you need anything?” Severus asked anxiously._

 _Remus smiled as he rubbed his stomach, “No, and please don’t start. You always act this way with my pregnancies. I’m fine, just tired as the child kicked all night and I couldn’t sleep.”_

 _He was going to ask him how he survived the change being pregnant, but stopped himself when he figured that that would be a question to which he would know the answer. He was going to sit down next to Remus when the blur—as he was beginning to call him in his mind—came into the room._

 _“Max, stop running,” Remus quietly scolded the child._

 _Max made a guilty face for about five seconds and then smiled. He was just looking at the family—his family, he thought. He noticed the small girl—whose name he still didn’t know—cuddle next to him as if she had always done it. Max was a whirlwind of energy and Remus—Remus, the most beautiful, was sitting quietly reading the book that their daughter had had in her hands._

 _That is when he knew the answer to his question. If they had children, would both of them be happy? Yes. He felt himself falling asleep again, about to return to his time or whatever it was where his body lay. He did not want to go; he wanted to stay here in this warm house, with Remus and their children. Before he lost consciousness, he heard Remus' soft melodious voice._

 _“You’ll see us soon, Severus. We love you.”_

 _With that, he lost the fight and fell asleep._

He woke up on the seat where he had been after he took the potion and looked at the portrait who was looking at him without blinking.

“How do you feel?” the lady asked anxiously.

“I’m fine.” Severus said.

“Did you find your answer?”

“Yes.” He quietly answered.

“What are you going to do?” she moved closer to the frame.

“What I should have done long time ago” he said as he got up.

He moved to the fireplace, threw in floo powder, and waited until the head appeared. He talked to the person for a few minutes and disconnected the call. He moved to the cauldron that he had previously used to make the potion and with a wave made it disappear, took the paper, and put it back in the hiding place. Maybe one day someone else would need it. He closed the drawer with finality and moved to the cauldron. He needed to hurry up if he wanted to have this done on time.

 

◄►◄►◄►

 

Severus had always found Christmas a chore, not only had he had to behave and not make faces, but also had to accept people into his home, people that he wished where far away. He never understood why they had to come here. Didn’t they have homes of their own? He looked at the time on his pocket watch and gave a sigh. There were still three hours to go before they could open presents and he could—not so politely—tell the people to leave.

He looked around and saw Harry with his kids and his wife beside him. Then there were the Weasley’s—he wouldn’t even try to count them; he lost count after the second grandchild they had. Thank Merlin he didn’t teach at Hogwarts anymore. He wouldn’t be able to survive all those redheads! He continued to look around and saw other pairs and kids running around. He wondered if by next year his own boy would be among them. He put his hand inside his pants' pocket and lightly touched the potion inside.

Severus gave a sigh when the last guest left, and with finality, he closed the door. His husband moved away and started to clean up. He pushed his hand inside his pocket and again touched the potion, but he couldn’t wait until they went to sleep for him to give it to Remus. He moved to Remus' side and opened his mouth, but shut it when he noticed that Remus wasn’t even looking at him. Remus was busy moving plates to the sink.

 

Remus was moving another pile of plates to put next to the sink when he felt Severus next to him taking the plates away and putting them by the sink, taking Remus by the hand and moving him away from the cleaning. Remus made a noise of exasperation; he wanted to be done before they retired. They stopped just outside the kitchen and Severus turned to him. Remus didn’t know what was wrong with Severus. He’d been acting so differently all night. He stopped his musings when Severus looked into his eyes and cradled his face with a hand as he kissed his eyes closed and then took his lips in a tender kiss.

“Severus?” Remus whispered when they parted.

“I have a gift for you.” Severus said, his breath fanning Remus' lips.

Remus smiled, “Another one?”

“This one, I wanted to give to you alone” Severus said looking into his eyes.

“Okay, what is it?” Remus played along; he thought it might be something sexual.

“This.” Severus placed a potion bottle into his hands.

Remus looked down at the potion, but didn’t see anything different from any other potion. He looked up at Severus with a question in his eyes.

 

Severus looked at Remus as the other waited for an answer that was easier said while reciting it in his mind. He looked at those lovely hazel eyes and he said just what he felt.

“Remus,” Severus got down on his knees and circled his husband's waist, placing his head on Remus' stomach, whispering the rest as he looked up. “I want to have children with you.”

Remus didn’t know what he had been expecting, but this confession coming from the only man he had ever loved wasn’t it. He knew it hadn’t been easy once the baby had left. He knew it was wrong, but he had resented Severus. However, later he had felt ashamed because he had known Severus hadn’t wanted kids. It was something Severus never hid and he had accepted Severus exactly like that because he loved him and still did.

“Severus, it’s fine.” Remus smiled down.

“No, it’s not fine. I want to have a Maximilian running around the house and I want to have a little girl—”

“Aiyana.” Remus whispered.

Severus rushed in his explanation, trying to make Remus understand that he did want to have kids, when the whispered name caught his attention. _Aiyana_ , that had been his daughter’s name. He looked at Remus and got up smiling and cradled his face.

“I want to have our little Aiyana, too.”

“Why? I thought—” Remus said.

“Shhh, let’s say someone opened my eyes and made me see what was there all along” Severus murmured. “Remus Lupin, will you do me the honor of becoming the daddy to our future children?”

“Yes! Yes! Ten times yes.”

Severus laughed or maybe cried. He didn’t know which as Remus threw himself into his arms and kissed him.

Parenting wouldn’t be easy, but the way his Remus was moaning under him said that tonight Maximilian could be conceived. Oh, how he would enjoy creating that life. He smiled at the thought of having his husband all to himself naked under him as he kissed him back.

◄ The End►


End file.
